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Airplane Jokes

5 July 2008 One CommentEmail This Post Email This Post

A Filipina was in a flight to the the US and at some point the flight attendant was serving salad to the passengers. After a while she came back and asked the Filipina, “How’s the dressing?” (referring to the salad), and the Filipina replied, “OH, MY CLOTHES ARE VERY COMFORTABLE, THANK YOU.”

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Jose: Ang tapang talaga ni Pareng Bentong! Biro mo, tumalon sa eroplano ng walang parachute!

Lito: Owws, totoo? Saan mo naman nabalitaan yan?

Jose: Dun sa burol nya!

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All  too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in flight  ‘safety lecture’ and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

CONTINENTAL AIRLINES
On a Continental Flight with a very ‘senior’ flight attendant crew, the  pilot said, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to  enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.’

JAPAN AIR LINES
‘In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from  the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before  assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite.’

BRITISH AIRWAYS
‘As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.’

QANTAS AIRWAYS
Another flight attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing: ‘We ask  you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.’

NORTHWEST AIRLINES
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis , a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, ‘Please take care when  opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure  as hell everything has shifted.’

PHILIPPINE AIR LINES
We’re now preparing to land at San Francisco International Airport . Kindly straighten up your seats, turn off all electronic gadgets, pull up your window shades and buckle up for safety. We hope you enjoyed flying with us as much as we did.

Sa wikang atin po,…’Tayo po ay papalapag na sa paliparang pangkalawakang internasyonal ng San Francisco.  Paalala po lamang sa ating mga kababayan — ang mga unan, kumot, headset at iba pang kagamitan sa eroplano ay di po kasama sa pasalubong.  Huwag po lamang baklasin ang LCD-TV na nakadikit sa silya….’

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Fake ad for Asian Spirit that’s been passed around for years:

One Comment »

  • gensanite said:

    puwede rin ‘to…

    Fly Cebu Pacific…

    You Fly to Cebu, and land somewhere in the Pacific…

    nyehehehe… 🙂

    Peace!!!

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